Years ago Dennis bought me a small black leather purse for Christmas. It was a handy place to keep all the birth certificates and health care cards for the whole family but I rarely took it with me.
Now I am a full-blown purse lady. Or maybe I'm a bag lady. With my big leather bag full of everything I might need, but hopefully not. Oh and it matches my boots.
First I dumped it out, I did. You only do this, I'm told, if you are about to clean out your purse. I have also been told that husbands sometimes do this if they need the nail clippers but that it's not a good practice. I was ridding mine of crap. See, I'm not even sure what most women put in their purses. I've always been a little curious but never saw one being dumped out before. Mine doesn't count cause if any female had been there to witness this dumping they would've questioned my femininity on the spot.
My sensible bag needed sensible things in it.
Out of the pile on the bed I grabbed my License. I don't drive and my hair is turning grey. Soon the IDing thing has to stop. I take it just in case. I settle for one lip gloss, the vanilla flavored one. My sunglasses. And that's it? A big bag for three tiny items. keys? Nope. Money? Bankcards? Credit cards? Nope. Make-up? Nope. I don't have any of it.
I need more stuff.
Bear spray. No. I wear that on my hip. To hard to unzip and dig around in a purse, 'please mister bear I know it's in here somewhere' meanwhile all that's left is my bucket of water pouring out mixing with my blood.
Oh, my knife, I might have to stab said bear or cougar or human. I string this onto the strap of my purse, on my chest, right where I hopefully won't need it.
My reflection in the mirror sets off an explosion of inspiration 'cause I look cool.
I set myself up with the purse to kicks ass on all purses.
First, My pager for my pages.
In goes my compass, complete with map and whistle.
A candle, matches and a lighter and cotton balls soaked with Vaseline.
A lightweight backpacking saw.
My hatchet, no no I'm joking about the hatchet. I slide that next to the bear spray I'm wearing on my pink hankie. Hip style.
Dental floss, it might come in handy.
A toque, gloves, extra socks. Come on, how many times have you been out and about and you get cold or wet feet? wool socks are the best.
Toilet paper. Kinda bulky, I can just use snow.
My headlamp and an extra flashlight.
A notepad and two pens.
And one emergency feminine hygiene product. Or diaper, as I like to call them.
Good to go I'm thinkin'.
The thing is, if I need this stuff, it most likely means I'm missing. I'm in trouble and I'm no dumby so I take out my note pad and pen and write a little note to the would be searchers, detailing the route I am trying to follow, my poorly flagged property line. And laugh if you want to, I can take it, but I have a big yard and I'm not even sure where it is.
-Tammy
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